the real me. the truth.

it actually take my whole gut to come to the truth. in front of him. no one knows how it feels. but i'm glad i have my friend there with me. at least. i'm scared. seriously. because people judge. and the way he act is kind off different than the way he used too. my friend say that i'm actually have been thinking too much. the truth is. i don't know. he says he's okay with it. but i feel like he's not. i hate being me because people will judge. somehow. you have to admit that. and most people judgement is negative. and to make it even worse. his friends actually come to us. real great. i feel like running away. thousand miles and never return. but i stay. i have no idea if i'm making a right choice. but i hate the choice i make. coz i'll keep wondering. do you like it or hate it. tell me please. if you like it. i'll be more than happy to know about it. but if you don't. please leave. and never looked back. coz it hurts.

i'm used to have you by myside.

i was so frustrated as you can see in my previous post. i cried a lot that night. too much that i suddenly fall asleep. then my phone rang. as usual right early in the morning. i wake up and started texting. at first,i was still in the sad mood that i reply it by sentence. he asked me to forget about my problem. and somehow we changed the topic. and slowly he makes me smile and laugh again. the fact that i actually forget how sad i am before this. or how nervous i am to go on with my life as usual. i make my first break away with my friends and got a bonus link for making it. the bonus thing. let me keep it for myself. in the evening we met. and i just can't stop smiling every single time we met each other. when we met in person. from far away or eye to eye. still i smiled. the best part of all. my second break away. but now. with you. i'm kind off anxious. what it'll be like. would it be fun. or will i end up get frustrated as my friends do. the answer is no. you are so nice. a little bit of annoying because you keep playing around with me. as usual i shall say. but the break away is awesome. i really enjoy it. i really appreciate it when a guy actually introduce me to his best buddies which somehow shows that i'm actually belong to his world. we climb up the rock together. u help me out by holding my hands tightly and wait till i get down safely before making your way. or should i say absolutely full of care. then you were doing this crazy stuff of yours.

 climbing up without safety belt. thing that is dangerous. and we climb up together. and i actually touched when you stopped as i can't make it anymore. the fact that you actually get down as fast as you can so that you can take your friend place and guard me to get down. when you're worried that i'll get hurt. and somehow i like it. and i'm used to it. used to texting with you all day long. waking you up from your sleep. seeing you every single gap between class.  IM'ing eventhough we're sitting at the same location. looking at your reaction every time i chat with you while you were checking mine. like that we're actually talking to each other while your friends were looking and keep ignoring them. i've just so used to have you by myside. when i'm happy. sad. moody. gloomy. crazy. and etc. so used to it and loving it that i'm worried sick that one day you'll leave me.

i'm crying again. and this is all because of friends.

i just recovering from my past life when it happened again. and each time it hurt even more than before. my tears keep falling. and will keep on falling for those whom i called friend. the one that actually help me recover from my broken heart not a long time ago. the one that support me for all of this time. i hang out with, laughing and share everything. and i'm being too stupid again for actually believing that they are being honest and truly are my friend. and again i was wrong. so wrong. and i'm freaking sad. i'm crying like crazy. 

 my tears just won't stop anymore. i don't give a damn if i look bad with swollen eyes. or having tons of people watching me like i'm some sort of alien. and these is all because of you my friend. if you don't like just say it. named it. everything about me. my behavior. my look. my style. words or sentence that you dislike. just cry it all loud. just stop talking behind my back. getting to know that you are actually acting all nice in front of me for this time. it hurts. a lot. too much that i might can't handle it.

what a date should be??

just when i thought that love is flying around in the air. my friends were telling me that they are not. it seems funny because just a few moments they were texting and calling each other happily and after a short while, they don't. one of them were waiting excitedly for her date this very evening when she told me that it was cancel because they had a fight. while another give me a rang that her boyfriend actually asked her to pay for the fuels. i stunned. seriously guys? or should i say gentlemen out there? you are the one who asked your girlfriend out but yet you make them pay for it. i'm speechless. that was not what i'm expecting from my friends. but i wasn't expecting for a superbly romantic dating after all. 

love as the word itself remarks the feelings between two people who need each other. by hard or ease. going trough everything together. people whom in love casually will just follow their heart and never listen to the other eventhough they are wrong. 

but when it comes to DATE, it could be a real mess. how could this happen anyway? 

for me myself, i wasn't expecting my boyfriend to bring along with him thousand bouquet of white roses. nor expecting him to bring me to a 5 star hotel for our dates. hanging around with him at mamak stall or just sitting around in the park would be perfect. because all that matters for me is to have him by myside. as simple as that. but it'll make me so happy. i'm not the kind of girl who's expecting for him to drive a benz or perdana v6 at least. or paying for everything like bills, movies and etc. i know it by myself that he wasn't capable of paying anything by himself just yet. unless he's already work. i'd rather pay for my own meals and ticket than letting him paying for it because we'll never know how far our relationship could last. but for the least, having your girlfriend paying for the fuels every single time you bring her out for a date? you are so unbelievable. 

be more considerate will you? sharing is caring. but the sentence refer to both. guys and girls. so for guys, be more gentle okay? don't let people look down at you for the way you treat your own girlfriend, the one you have been cherish for all of this time. and for the girls, don't expect him to pay for everything when he himself is still a student. that's not his money. it's his parents. 

and if you don't have any money by your own wills, DON'T DATE. because using your parents money for your own enjoyment is kind off suck. no offence okay? 

from someone's blog. whatthe. just for knowledge okay.

type of kisses

1. French Kiss - Probably the most famous kiss there is, the French kiss is an open-mouthed kiss where one person’s tongue touches the other person’s tongue. Also called a “tongue kiss,” the French kiss easy enough to execute, but it can take years to master.

2. Butterfly Kiss - To give someone a butterfly kiss, get close to them so the tips of your eyelashes are touching theirs. Then blink very fast so your eyelashes flutter together like butterfly wings. It’s a fun, cute thing to do while you’re catching your breath from more traditional kisses. You can also give someone a solo butterfly kiss by fluttering your eyelids against their cheek.

3. Single-Lip Kiss - To give someone a single-lip kiss, take one of their lips between yours and gently suck or tug on it. It’s an awfully romantic kiss, and if you do it right, you’ll send tingles up and down your sweetie’s spine.

4. Spiderman Kiss - Based on the kiss in the 2002 movie Spider-Man, the Spiderman kiss involves kissing someone whose face is upside-down from yours, so your top lip kisses their bottom lip and vice versa.

5. Earlobe Kiss - A great kiss to to perform while you’re taking a break from lip kisses, the earlobe kiss involves taking someone’s earlobe lightly between your lips and tugging gently downward. For a more intense earlobe kiss, add a little bit of tongue, or use a gentle sucking motion on their earlobe.

6. Lip Gloss Kiss - This is a fun, flirty kiss for girlfriends to give their boyfriends. Put on a healthy amount of lip gloss or ChapStick, then rub your lips on your partners’ lips until theirs are coated, too. For extra fun, surprise your partner with a sweet, fruity lip gloss flavor.

7. Breath Kiss - The breath kiss is a fun, silly kiss that’s almost more of a game than a kiss. To do it, open your mouth, inhale deeply and lock lips with your sweetie (like you’re performing CPR). Slowly exhale into their mouth while they’re inhaling, “passing” the breath to them. Without moving, slowly inhale while your partner exhales. Keep passing the breath back and forth until one of you runs out of breath or you both erupt in giggles.

8. Cheek Kiss - The cheek kiss is exactly what it sounds like - a closed-mouth kiss against someone’s cheek. Cheek kisses can be used as friendly greetings, flirty thank-you’s or cute, unexpected ways to say good-bye to your boyfriend or girlfriend.

9. Hickey - A hickey technically isn’t a kiss; it’s a red mark (a bruise, really) left on the skin after someone sucks hard enough on it. Hickeys hurt a little to get, but some people think the sucking feels good, especially on the side of the neck. It can be embarrassing to walk around with a hickey, so before you start sucking, get permission first.

10. The Love Kiss - Finally, the love kiss is any kiss that you give while thinking tender, loving thoughts about your partner. You might not realize it, but your kissing style can be influenced by whatever’s on your mind. Smooching with love on your mind will make your kisses extra soft and sweet. Whether it’s on your partner’s mouth, neck, ear or forehead, the love kiss is the most romantic kiss you can give.

11. Vampire Kiss - The vampire kiss is a deep kiss on someone’s neck that can involve sucking or light biting on the skin. Since some people find it painful rather than sexy, and since the sucking might leave a hickey, always ask permission before you give someone a vampire kiss.

12. Wet Kiss - Wet kisses are any open-mouthed kisses, with or without tongue. A little bit of wetness during a kiss can be sexy, but try not to overdo it: too much saliva is sloppy. Alternate between wet kisses and closed-mouth kisses and single-lip kisses, and be sure to swallow occasionally so you don’t accidentally drool all over your partner.

13. Angel Kiss - To give someone an angel kiss, kiss them very gently on their eyelids or on the spot right next to their eye, using just your lips. It’s a very romantic way to wake someone up or say goodbye.

14. Air Kiss - The air kiss is a sophisticated gesture you can use as a greeting to your friends and relatives. To give one, rest your cheek against their cheek and make a kissing sound with your lips.

15. The Biting Kiss - The biting kiss is a more aggressive form of the French kiss. Like the French kiss, it’s open-mouthed and incorporates tongue, but as you pull back, your teeth lightly grab onto your sweetie’s tongue for just a second. Try it once and see how your partner responds. Some people love it, but others think it’s painful or weird.

my.past.life

 

i've just started campus life as other teenagers around my age. register with my dad. force to go through orientation week which i hate a lot!! and yet i made it. i got myself some friends. and stay with them through out the first semester. coz i thought that they are my friends. the one that i can rely on. that i can share my stuff with.. but as time flies, i got to learn that my besties are not who they say they are. for all of this time they have been faking everything and betraying me behind my back. and it kills me slowly but then.  the one who seems to be the enemy are the real friends anyway.. the one that stick with me through everything. willingly listen to my problems and stories without any hesitation.. and because of them, i survived it. i manage to live till today at least. i'm kind off grateful that this thing actually happened as i got to know who's my real friends and who's been faking it through the semester. thanks to them i'm way so happier than i'm used to be before.. lighter and brighter. full of new uncovered things and that i'm used too in a different point of view.

the.invisible.me

hye bloggers. welcome to my blog. the not so interesting blog you will ever read. the one that will be filled up with my babbling, emotional, and my life and love story. 

who am i?

known as  nurul horvejkul 

born on 10th of april 1992

and currently living at kuala lumpur

fb - me_anti.skema@yahoo.com

i'll be more than happy to be your friend

so people, i hope your will enjoy my post!